Baby Steps to Fatherhood

Dalia has started to show in the last few days. Not majorly, but in the way that’s just noticeable enough to us. Her stomach is bulging and rounding more than just from too many tacos. Our baby is in there growing!

We’ve been following the expected weekly growth plan of our baby since the beginning. From poppy seed to orange seed to sweet pea to blueberry to raspberry and now somewhere near a green olive. Making more space before becoming a prune, plum, avocado, squash and watermelon. Bursting into our lives later this year as a crying, squirming ball of energy, sweeter than any fruit in the world.

Somehow this change has moved me more than the others beforehand. Dalia felt all the symptoms and I just observed. But now I can tangibly see and feel evidence of this new life growing too, and it’s incredible.

Dalia’s mom turned 60 today and we’re in our sixth week of Covid lockdown. So much has happened and is happening in the world our child will enter. But his/her job is to grow in peace, absorb what he needs and do what she’s gotta.

While we do the same out here. Washing hands, making puzzles, bingeing shows from the comfiest corner of our couch. Laying down our last set of memories as a duo, soon to open the page on the family album from here on in.

Slow Sunny Days on the Inside

Watching beautiful sunny days pass by from the inside

Tracking the shape-shifting shadows slide slowly along the walls and floors

Seeing the sun kiss each leaf of every plant, uniquely at its own daily scheduled time

Stringing together meals like Christmas lights

From pang to idea to assessment to exploration to preparation to plate-setting to eating to cleaning to washing and back to waiting for the next tingle of hunger

Watching shows minute by minute, episode by episode, season by season

Puzzles piece by piece

Work type by type

Cleaning every nook, rediscovering every dusty book, refolding every wrinkled t-shirt

Counting all my socks, scrolling all my picture posts, reading all my blogs

Listening to all the tunes, lifting every weight, remembering every taken trip

Embedded, embraced, sometimes overwhelmed, by the slow, slow days of Covid-19

now well into 20

Doing what we can, in order to distract from all that we cannot

Like fly to Abuja, or drive to California, or share a hug

I’d give anything to elbow bump a colleague, or coach, or old friend

To have lunch with my folks and brother, linger over plates of noodles and pots of green tea,

like germs were still invisible

Plan a trip, book a cottage, try on new jeans

Remember when Tom Hanks got it? When the NBA cancelled the season? The Iranian Minister of Health?

Seems like a lifetime ago in Covid years. But it’s only been months. Dozens of weeks. Hundreds of days. Thousands of hours. Millions of minutes. Billions of seconds.

Since those simple normal outdoor times

Now it’s all bad quarantine haircuts, zoom meetings with one person unmuted (so their dog and kid as well), and live streams for an audience of three

At least, for once, we have each other,

and by that I mean everyone on Earth

Hunkered down, unsure, better or worse

Watching the sun pass by on the floor under our feet,

illuminating all that is found

on the inside.